Meet our team
Meet our team
The people that make this all work.
Supreme Leader
Rose from the swamps of Moral Ambiguity to become the most ceremonially important figure in the Hippocratic Party. A renowned scholar of appearances and longtime practitioner of the ancient art of looking ethical, he has dedicated his career to advancing the noble (Nobel?) cause of seeming righteous at all times.
Under his visionary leadership, the Party has achieved historic breakthroughs in moral optics, including the groundbreaking discovery that accountability looks best when applied exclusively to others. Known for his majestic posture, his signature orange comb-over, red tie, and his unwavering commitment to integrity‑shaped shadows, he continues to guide the party with a steady hoof and an even steadier supply of carefully curated talking points.
His official motto remains: “Do No Harm… except to others.
Supreme Admiral
Clad in his ceremonial red tie and pirate hat of moral ambiguity, the Admiral steers the ship of public virtue with one hand on the wheel and the other clutching a map marked “X” — which he insists stands for “Excellence,” though it mostly leads to loopholes. His golden‑orange comb‑over flutters heroically in the breeze, a beacon of bold indecision and well‑styled deflection.
With a parrot trained to squawk “Get that oil ship!” on cue and an eye patch that conveniently blocks accountability from the left side, the Admiral sails confidently into every storm — especially the ones he caused. His sword is mostly decorative, his belt buckle unnecessarily gold and huge, and his leadership philosophy best summarized as:
“Steer boldly, speak loudly, and repeatedly adjust the new "facts" below deck. And of utmost importance is to keep piracy, I mean privacy, a top priority ;-)”
Under his watch, the Hippocratic Party has achieved historic levels of moral optics, including the invention of the Ethical Echo Chamber, the Selective Outrage Cannon, and the Virtue Signal Flag, which is raised ceremonially whenever someone else is caught doing something wrong.
He remains committed to the Party’s founding principle:
“Do No Harm… except to others' boats." And continues to blockade the Epstein Island
Secretary of War
Former co‑host of the the weekend Hippocratic Party comedy hour, rose to power not through strategy, competence, or battlefield valor — but through an unshakable loyalty to whoever happened to be in charge that week. Known for his ability to nod solemnly while changing sides mid‑sentence, he was promoted after a particularly stirring monologue titled “I’ll Serve Anyone Who’ll Let Me.”
His most celebrated military skill is leaking classified information while taking a leak, a talent that earned him both a disciplinary hearing and a standing ovation from the Party’s optics division. He’s also credited with inventing the “strategic misfire,” a maneuver in which nothing hits the target but everything gets blamed on someone else.
Clad in his signature blue‑and‑white striped tie and greased‑back hair that defies both gravity and accountability, the Secretary of War Hippo commands with a squint, a grunt, and a deeply held belief that volume equals leadership. His official duties include:
- Rewriting history in real time
- Holding press conferences with no press
- Conducting drills for imaginary threats
- And overseeing the Department of Moral Flexibility
His motto, stitched into every uniform he’s ever worn:
“Loyalty first. Accuracy optional.”